Everyone dreams. Some are simple and some are complex. But everyone has dreams. Sometimes they have little to do with reality. To dream is to be human. It's essential to progressing, to growth. I used to dream of a career and then when I had my first child as an unwed teenager I wanted a family as I'd never wanted anything. I wanted to marry someone who would be my friend and would cherish me and protect me. I desired to have a baby so much it was almost tangible. It was a fierce desire deep within me. And I thought I had that.
When I was 15 I worked at a flower store and I remember this elderly gentleman coming in and buying this HUGE stuffed monkey for his wife of 40 years. I can't remember exactly what he said about his marriage and their love, but it was deep and abiding. And I knew that's what I wanted. It's what I thought I had.
I see couples with children and especially babies and my heart hurts. I feel so bereft and robbed. I don't know if I'll ever have that dedicated love or if it's even possible. It's what I thought I had that I miss the most.
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